SOLS January days

It is Tuesday and this is a "Slice of Life" (SOLS) for Two Writing Teachers.  Check out their website for lots more reflections on teaching.

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Due primarily to the fickle January weather, the Big Cats have been spending a lot longer time in centers and going on shorter walks. It is a great time of year to have longer centers. Since winter break, the children are beginning to truly play together, and this emerging cooperative play needs much time, space, and guidance. Centers are just the structure!

During centers, children work in small groups on a variety of activities, playing alongside one another. Often, the task needs to be done "together" - requiring children to talk, share, and work together.

For me, the main purpose of centers is for fostering healthy, friendly social-emotional interactions. Oh sure, I can name the specifics of math, literacy, science, engineering, or other learning that is happening in my classroom; I can even cite the particular learning standard that is being worked on in any given center. But, what excites me and drives me is helping children work with one another.  Since winter break, and the children's renewed and accelerated interest in being together, I've been on overdrive....

The children are in constant motion, moving readily from one interest to the next...learning to share, learning to take turns, learning to be aware of others, learning to have fun together. I'm their "guide on the side," noticing...

[   ] looks sad - is there a way that she can play, too? Have you asked her if she would like to play? 

Is that a safe way to use that?

Does [  ] have enough materials? Look at how much he has and how much you have - which is more? 

I see you really want to play with this, but [ ] had it first. Ask her if you can use it when she is through.

You bumped into [ ] - have you checked in with him, to see if he is okay?

How might you two play this together and have fun?

Slow your engine down. You are moving very fast! 


Did you build that? Remember our classroom rule - you build it, you may knock it down. You should help her rebuild that. Next time, ask if you can knock that block structure down.

Tell him you didn't like it when he did that. 

In board games, we take turns with the dice. Have you finished your turn? Who is next? Hand the dice to [ ].

I saw you cover your ears; was his voice too loud? Tell him that his voice is hurting your ears.  

You want to play with a toy cell phone, too? Let's ask if [ ] if you can play with one of the two he has. 

Do you want to use that next? 

Ooops. [ ] is hurting. Let's go together to get ice.

Even the children seem to know that social-emotional learning is the most important work in the room.
Example, many preschoolers were exploring ice and salt; I asked one student,
"What happens when you add salt to the ice?"
and she immediately responded,
"[  ] bumps my arm."
My laugh for the day!

Today, we had one real sign that it was a rainy day and we were trapped inside - an impromptu game of ball began in the classroom, using a very lightweight, soft, fuzzy ball [we had used this same ball to throw to one another at Gathering, to say good morning to each other].  I'm not sure if the children were playing soccer or basketball...it was a spontaneous, fast-paced, motion-filled game played by Micaela, Evan, Zuren, Alyja, Ada, and Hughie – but only briefly. Jasmine, dressed in an apron and tutu, and playing "family" was surprised and disturbed by this impulsive game and yelled in her most authoritative voice, “Boys! I am angry! Don’t play basketball in the house!” [Of course, the list of players assures you that this was not a boys' game!] Before I could even respond - to either the game or her upset - the ball went soaring through the air and became trapped in the ductwork of our classroom ceiling, some 12 feet above us. Silence came over the room.

We now have an on-going inquiry – How to get the ball down? Today’s suggestions: A tow hook (Hughie); a ladder (Zuren); I’ll fly up there and get it (Seymour); a lasso (Shaan).

January days, January learning, January fun.
Rich and varied moments together.

All about cars

I'm taking some time, this Memorial Day weekend, to write about the fun we have been having with our "Auto Repair" theme for the past many weeks.  All year long, the children have shown a lot of interest in cars, and, since spring break, I have been weaving this car theme into everything we do.

I want to document how I threw myself into 

this exploration, 

this theme, 

this inquiry, 

this emergent curriculum topic, 

letting the children's interests be my guide.  

Additionally, I hope to show how, throughout the fun, I intentionally wove in math, literacy, science, and social skills.  I am more convinced than ever that this is the way children should be taught - with their own interests at the core of their learning.

Now, I am wrestling with my longest blog post ever!!!

Thanks to my college pal Dale and her Chevy dealership, we had some awesome display signs for the dramatic play corner!  Add in a trip to a thrift store, where I spent $20.00 on a multitude of small toy cars, and the Big Cats Auto Repair had begun.  

The children were delighted with the bin of small cars (believe it or not, we had upwards of 100 small cars!).  For days, they made sets, patterns, groups, lines...all the while counting, how many did they have in all?  We look for patterns – all cars, all racecars, all trucks, all SUVs.  

We tried to count all our cars.  We put the cars end to end and went around the circumference of our large table; we had enough cars to create a second ring. 

For a couple of weeks, there was sand in the sensory table, and exactly 20 cars, with a taped parking spot on the table’s edge, for each car.  The children have loved counting these - and often wouldn't let us put the lid on the table until all the cars were back in their places.  As is true of most three and four year olds, some of the trickiest numbers to remember are 11, 12, 13, and that elusive number 15 (I believe it is the most forgotten number of all).  Our abundance of cars has allowed the children to work, work, work at understanding these larger numbers...over and over again, in an authentic, playful way.

Another math activity has been measuring the distances our cars go.  This has also included a lot of science fun, as we set up ramps in various locations and compared the distances the cars went.  First, we used skateboard ramps to test speed and distance of our cars, making predictions and measuring the results.

We also designed our own ramps using wood moulding, blocks,  and other odds and ends. We played around with the slant or angle of the ramps and the driving surface (carpet versus tile).  All the while, the children would tape off which car went how far, and measure the distance in various ways (their footsteps, small blocks, and measuring tapes).

One day, we painted our small cars, detailing them just as we liked.

I was impressed with the focus and attention each car received.  

We had many sensory explorations - including taking these very same newly painted vehicles and introducing them to an impromptu car wash in the sensory table!  So long, tempera!

Regularly, we are pressing small cars in Gak.  Can we cover the car entirely?  Can you guess how many cars are hiding in our Gak?

It wouldn't be my classroom, if we didn't try a bit of engineering!  This time, our influence was the book If I Built a Car by Chris Van Dusen.  Here, the narrator imagines the super powers and extras he would design into his dream car.  We set out to do the same.  First, we drew our designs:

We spent several days engineering our own small cars with special powers, and each of us wrote our own descriptions.  [In a separate post, I'll share the children's engineering efforts and their vivid descriptions of the powers that their individual cars have - there's no way I should add any more length to this post!]  Once again, engineering provided a playful, engaging opportunity for the children to challenge themselves cognitively, literately, mathematically, and physically (fine motor). 

There have been so many great opportunities for increasing literacy with this theme.  Certainly, our engineering efforts involved a lot of literacy as the children told great stories to describe their car's powers.  Additionally, we've been reading lots of great books about cars, including - 

The Life of a Car by Susan Steggall,

Crashed, Smashed, and Mashed : a Trip to Junkyard Heaven by

Joyce Slayton Mitchell, and

Cars and How They Go by Joanna Cole.

In my last blogpost, I shared how we went on a walk through the neighborhood to look at traffic signs and then came back and created our own.  The children loved this exploration.  You can see so much about a child's fine motor and literacy skills in these playful efforts.  

One on-going effort in our room is our alphabet wall about cars and auto repair.  We brainstormed everything we knew about cars on a large whiteboard in the classroom, sorting the words by their first letters.  The children are really excited by how many words they were able to brainstorm - and we continue to add to the word list with each new book or discussion that we have.  Truly, auto repair has continued to make our classroom "literacy rich"!

Try as I might, there is no way to list all the fun things we have been doing with cars.  One on-going activity is “tape roads” that we make all over the Gathering carpet, and then the children race small cars on these.  The children are mapping out the roads - thinking about how cities are made.  They build homes and city buildings all over.

Every day, they build many, many houses for our cars, all shapes and sizes, all sorts of stories to go along with them.
This is where the Green Lantern lives.  
This is a police house.  
I have lots of cars in my garage.
A princess pony lives here.

In the midst of all these cars, blocks, and creativity, we've had some tremendous social-emotional learning.  At one point, the big box of cars led to frequent arguments over who got which car, who had too many cars, and other contentious preschooler issues.  To the children's surprise and chagrin, I put the bin of cars away for a couple days.  During this time of deprivation, we brainstormed ways that we might use the cars more successfully.  These were great discussions!  For me, this is the heart of teaching at the preschool level - helping children develop the self-regulation skills to get along with one another.  At one whole group gathering, we did a "guided discovery" with the cars and the ramps, working together to see how they might be used best.  We playfully dramatized some of the arguments and sharing struggles that might occur.  The children suggested:

• if someone throws a car, ramp, or other thing,
• if someone hurts somebody else, or
• if someone is yelling loudly,

then, that child will take a break from the cars.  They have lost the privilege of playing with the small cars for awhile.  Since this group problem-solving, we have had very successful days with the cars, ramps, and blocks.  I've overheard children tell one another, when someone grabs a toy - "You need to take a break." These preschoolers are amending their ways!  This is great social learning.

But let's not forget how much true fun and dramatic play the preschoolers are having!  As detailed in an earlier post, we made one large classroom car – which we can get in and out of.  

[We still haven’t figured out the roof, but we’re trying.  This past week, we painted the car a multitude of colors - "like a rainbow."]

I originally hoped to suspend this large car from the ceiling in our auto repair corner, to pretend to fix it.  However, we are enjoying playing in the car much too much!  We have pretended to drive to California, North Carolina, and New York City.  We bring our laptops, our “playstations,” our cell phones, our money.  We've have pretended to be Mom, Dad, Uncle Doug, baby sister.  The stories go on and on. There is so much to do with a make-believe car!  

The learning will continue for a couple more weeks...our school year ends on June 15th.  I think it is clear that a lot of academics have occurred through this emergent and playful theme.  It bears repeating, I am more convinced than ever that this is the way children should be taught - with their own interests at the core of their learning.  Why teach any other way?

What about those sharing struggles?

A vignette.

Six children working at the clay table,
rolling, patting, pounding.
They have recently discovered the clay knives, and they are cutting things out, digging deep into the clay.

One shows me the tunnel he has made and inquires,
"Do you want to know how I do this? Well, I scooted this [tool] into bottom of this hole and then I lift it out, see?"
I smile.
Things are moving merrily along, everyone is happily engaged, when all of a sudden . . .

I hear a loud shriek from one of the children-
"He took that from me!"

Time stands still.

She had been using a blue cutting tool, and I see that another boy is now using it. He used to have a red one.
[Funny, how this fact stayed in my mind...why do I even remember that this was how the tools were divvied up?]
I'm thinking and watching, as she continues to shriek,
"He took that from me! From ME! From ME!"

Hmmm. I haven't seen this boy take things from others before. Well, it's not my place to presume. Just deal with the tension. Help the children to solve this conflict together.

Time stands still.

I turn to the boy, "I see you have a blue tool. I remember you having a red tool."
He points to the girl, "She has it."
The girl gives an angry glare, fists are knotted, one is knotted tightly around a red tool.

Ah, the stuff of threes. Mind you, these two tools are virtually identical.

Time stands still.

I turn to the girl, "I see you have a red tool. I remember you having a blue tool."
She continues her angry glare.
I add, "You are upset that you don't have your blue tool. How did you get a red tool?"
She responds, "I took it from him. I wanted it."
Me, again - "Oh. Did you take it because he had taken your blue tool?"
She gives me an angry glare. Clearly, I am missing her point!

The boy speaks up, "She took my red tool. And then, I took her blue tool. I need one for my clay."
Oh. "How did you feel when she took your red tool?" I asked the boy.
He answers, "I no like it. I need it."

I turned to the girl, "How did you feel when he took the blue tool from you?"
She continues to glare. But I can see that she is thinking about this. Truly, it is the thought that counts.
I let the question soak in. Silence, for a moment. Then I ask, "Do you wish you had both tools? Do you want to have BOTH of the tools?," I ask the girl.
She nods.

"Let's begin again. Ask him if you might use the blue tool for awhile. He might say 'yes,' he might say 'no.' But he is using it and you must ask him before taking."

"And the same goes for you," I said to the boy, "If you want to use the red tool and she has it, you need to ask her if you may use it. Let's start over..."

I return both tools to their original "owners." I coach them through their respective scripts. As I expected, the boy says "no" to giving up his blue tool. He goes back to working on his clay. There is no further discussion or negotiations.

But, my girl still has her angry glare. I know that she hasn't totally bought into this resolution.

I put my arm around her shoulder. "You want it all, don't you? It is hard to be using the clay tools with others. But, we are working together - all of us are sharing the same materials. We need to take turns with the tools."


This vignette also shows the necessity of slowing things down for children, making time stand still, taking the time to listen to children and allowing them to listen and learn from each other.

I don't always have such patience, but I strive to.

Threes vary so much in their developmental ages. This little girl still has a lot of that "all about me" behavior that one associates with two year olds. She is reacting to others, but not yet demonstrating a lot of concern about others.

Slowing down to negotiate these conflicts with children (rather than for children) fosters social-emotional growth, encourages the development of empathy.

I know that there will be many more of these sharing issues in the weeks and months to come. It will feel - when I have the same discussion over and over again - as if time is standing still. I'm okay with that. I believe these sharing struggles offer some of the best learning opportunities for children.

I know it will take time.
I know it is time well spent.

What do you mean, "Use your words!"?

Here's the scene:

Three year old children, playing alongside each other at the same activity; one child grabs something from another, and both children start squawking. There is a swift hit or maybe a quick scratch by one child. The child runs quickly from the other, clutching the desired toy.

It all happens so quickly. Children hurting one another.

And there's the adult voice:

Use your words!

I think all of us have done this.

It can be so exhausting at the beginning of a school year, when Threes are thrown in together, forming a completely foreign entity called a class.

Wasn't it just yesterday that they were self-centered, "all about me" two year olds, playing alongside classmates, but separately?
Playing with their own stuff (as long as we had enough of everything!), leaving one another alone?
Why aren't they leaving one another alone?
We just told them to stop behaving this way!

It seems as if Threes go looking for conflict, purposely engaging with their classmates in willful ways - grabbing, dominating, demanding.

Yes, it is true.
Threes are leaving parallel play behind - and seeking to interact.

They see their classmates,
they want what their classmates have,
they want to do what their classmates are doing,
they want to play together.

But they don't have a clue how to do it.

They do not know what words to use.

This interaction - friend to friend, classmate to classmate, child to child - is all very, very new to them.

It is our job as adults to GIVE them the words.

Rather than say "Use your words!," give them the words that are appropriate to the situation. For example:

"We don't take toys from one another."

"Did you want her to take that toy? Tell her, 'I am using this! I will give it to you when I am done.' "

"He is using that now; say, 'May I use that when you are through?' "

"We are safe in this class. I cannot let you hit her. I see you are angry - let's breathe in and out together, until you feel better."

"Ask her, 'May I play, too?' "

"Hands are gentle with one another. People are not for hurting."

"Your face tells me you are really frustrated - it is hard to wait. Would you like to play with this, while you wait?"

"Ask him, 'May I use that now?' "

"Tell him, 'You may not hit me.'

"Your face tells me you are really sad; let's write a letter to Mommy together, telling her how sad you are."

"In this class, we are all safe. Was that a safe thing to do? What are some safe things we can do while we wait to use that toy?"



There is no specific script for helping preschoolers say the right thing in a conflict. How great it would be to be able to succinctly say, "Use your words!" - however, we must remember,

Using words for social, cooperative, interactive, conversational reasons is an all new skill for Threes. They simply do not know the words to use, however able they might be to speak.

My friend and Threes teacher Janise tells the story of a child who was directed to "Use your words!":

The child immediately shouted "WORDS!!"

There you have it.

What are the words?

We need to teach these words to preschoolers as if we were teaching math to a fourth grader,

clearly,
painstakingly,
repetitiously,
breaking it into learnable chunks,

until they are able to run with this knowledge on their own.

Why are you doing that?

A big part of my professional development this summer has involved reflecting about the way that I automatically do things as a teacher - and daring myself to change when necessary.

A big part of mentoring new teachers involves this same intellectual stretching -
daring to ask them:

Why did you do it that way?
Was it successful? What were its drawbacks?
Is that what you hoped to accomplish?
Is there another approach?

Teaching necessarily involves being open to learning new approaches, taking risks in the classroom, and revising again. It is essential to have time and space for reflection about our teaching. It is so wonderful when teachers can be mirrors to one another, helping each other to reflect and to look at things differently.



A group of new teachers worked with a group of five year olds to create an "emotional continuum" - encouraging the children to think about their emotions, all the different things they feel. This was a fun, engaging, and creative curriculum idea - a lovely exercise at the beginning of a school year, or, in this case, summer program, to help young children get in touch with the range of their emotions and how we all feel differently at different times.

The group quickly came up with a few "tried and true" emotions -

Yes, happy.
Of course, angry.
Sometimes, scared.
Frustrated.
Excited.
Sleepy.


The teachers were thrown a few "curve balls," when a free-thinking five year old said:

"I feel excitire." She wrote the word on the board for us, and explained that excitire was "when you are so excited you feel tired."

Another five year old suggested:
"I feel Chicken Wings!" and began to flap his arms as wings and move furiously about the room. We learned that Chicken Wings is a particular kind of silly.

Still another, feeding off of this creative surge in the brainstorming, added:
"I feel ezcere;" he, too, wrote the word on the board for us, and explained that ezcere means "you are trying to do something and really focused."


Everyone had a lot of fun dramatizing each of these emotions - both the "tried and true," familiar ones and the brand new creations by the free-thinkers. They acted them out as a class and I took photos of everyone - both students and teachers - "being" that emotion.

The next day, I came into the classroom to observe the new teachers. I saw that the emotion photos were printed out and posted along the meeting rug area - lovely! Throughout the summer program, the children will have a daily ritual of "checking in" in the morning ( and anytime they feel like it during the day) and then placing a clothespin (labelled with their name) on the emotion they are feeling.

But, on closer inspection, I saw:

the three "curve ball" emotions were not included in the emotion continuum.
What?
I was puzzled.
I knew that we dramatized these wild creations - I remembered taking the photos myself.

Ahhh...I see...
Perhaps these made up words aren't good enough?



How often do we do this to children - trump their ideas with our adult beliefs?
How often do we ignore their playfulness or wit, in the interest of time? In the interest of accomplishing our own goals?
What is the value of including and running with children's own ideas in our curriculum planning?
Why might it be difficult to include children's ideas?
How flexible is the curriculum plan? Is there room for children's own input?
How might children's engagement in the topic be affected?
What is your intention as teacher - to fill children with your wisdom or to light a spark within, so that they seek to fill themselves?
What changes can you make in your planning so that children's ideas are more welcome?


This became a teachable moment for the new teachers about the value of using authentic student work. It was also a teachable moment for me, as I realized how suddenly and unexpectedly good teaching can be undone or stalled because we are focusing on time and efficiency, "getting the curriculum across."

Teachers need
time to reflect, and
colleagues who act like mirrors.

Why did you do it that way?
Was it successful? What were its drawbacks?
Is that what you hoped to accomplish?
Is there another approach?

What about those princesses?

I've written enough entries to see that I have some recurring themes in this blog. Here's one:

I believe we are called to be both present and a passage with young children.

"Present" in the sense that we need to be fully engaged with them, watching and observing as we do so - and be thankful for the little bit of insight we receive about their interests, their joys, their fears, what they are currently "working on." We should dare to go lightly with them, to see the world through their eyes.

"A Passage" in the sense - we need to consider where this might lead. What is valuable about what they are doing? What is the merit in it? What does it tell me about this child? How might I change what I am doing to make this a more positive opportunity for them? Is there a way to introduce or stretch some learning? How might I channel this for them?

I think this need to be both "present and a passage" is particularly important when our children are doing something we don't like or understand. (Though, here, we may want to add an intermediate step - reflection - take a moment to ask yourself, why is this bothering me?)

Today's example: princesses. (Aren't they on everybody's mind this week, with the royal wedding?)

One obsession that crops up in my 3s classes each year has been princesses. Little girls get so excited about this. Unfortunately, this is not always an obsession that the parents share. Some parents become concerned about their girls associating clothing, accessories, etc. with self-worth. Especially when they see 2-3 year old girls on the look out for one another at morning arrival, very interested in what each other is wearing. Especially when they can't get their little girls to wear anything other than a princess dress!





When our little girls throw on those princess dresses, we don't need to fear it as a statement on their self-worth but instead see it as the emergence of "self-aware" (and, simultaneously, "aware of others" - finally leaving the 2 year old "all about me" stage).

It is time to read the classic series about children's developmental stages and traits - Your Three Your Old by Louise Bates Ames.

Girls and boys are discovering themselves at this age. They are choosing their outfits and dressing themselves for the first time. They are all eyes and ears for their same sex role models; their genders are often very much "on display" - and "test-piloted" for the next couple of years. Children love to play around and even to blur the lines - girls dressing in construction gear, pirate costumes; boys putting on ball gowns. (One friend laughs of her young daughter running around "with a Nerf gun while in a tutu," following an older brother.) Children are starting to see, and be more aware of, differences between people.


These are very dramatic years - they love to dress up, play make believe. Knowing this, my response as teacher has been to have lots and lots of costumes and fabrics in the dress up corner of my room, for my 3s to delight in and explore. Typically, I throw myself into the mix - I am Queen Maureen, and I insist that we speak to each other with formal and polite tone:
"How do you do?"
"I am well, thank you, and yourself?"
Yes, I try to be present, in on the fun.

We also get concerned about the way in which girls compliment one another. One father mentioned his concern that the girls in the class were too caught up with what they are wearing - complimenting each other on "pink" and "dresses."

To an extent, these compliments are "parroting" - what children hear on their TV shows (Disney anyone?), throughout our media, and even what they hear at home/out and about. We are a pretty visual society! Step back and listen to what adults compliment each other on - "Oooh, I love your hair!," and "Where did you get that dress? It looks great on you."



I see the girls' compliments - as superficial and simplistic as they may be - as an opportunity. Children this age are beginning to see each other as 'friends' - compliments are a lovely start, I think. Throughout the day, I help children see what they are good at/what their gifts are - I try to compliment them on good things I see them doing, rather than what they look like. ("You are adding so many interesting details to that painting," or "What an enormous house you have built," or some such.) I might try to interject a new subject, if they seem to be dwelling on one thing (but I would also observe to see if I could figure out why this is the main topic of discussion).

This princess chatter is a reminder to embed my curriculum with friendship opportunities - specifically, teaching them about compliments. I have even done mini-lessons on "Giving a Compliment;" one simple idea, rolling a ball to one another and giving a compliment as you role the ball...teaching the recipient to say "thank you." To me, it's all good!




There are so many ways to channel princesses to a higher level. I have read old-fashioned princess tales and their modern counterparts, getting children to consider what is different? why? This is higher-level thinking. We have explored hopes and dreams - what would you do with a magic wand? One colleague and I had a lot of fun setting up a "royal quest" obstacle course, letting the children do all sorts of fun physical endeavors. There's no end to the possibility, if you open yourself up to it a little - to be present and a passage.

---
One last note: I haven't read Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein, and I hope it doesn't refute what I've written above. However, I've done a little internet searching about the book; Peggy Orenstein provides some excellent ways to "provide a passage" about princesses under the Resources page of her blog. Teachers and parents - check these out!

Where is the dollhouse?

I have always loved dolls. I had a dollhouse as a young girl, but I had to give it away when I turned 13 to a White Elephant Sale - my mother explained I was too big to play with dolls.

My mother was wrong.

I am still very partial to dolls.

I missed that dollhouse for many years.

One year when the boys were young, my husband bought me a dollhouse for my birthday, much to my delight. I painted it the same colors as our real house. I made furniture for it.

I kept the dollhouse in our family room and the boys played and played at it. I provided toy furniture and toy people, near at hand, freely tossed into accessible bins...but the children brought many other treasures to the dollhouse.
Sometimes Thomas the Tank Engine was in the dollhouse.
Sometimes it was simply zoo animals, particularly elephant families.
Sometimes we built enormous cities, with roads that led right to the dollhouse.
Sometimes it was just one doll figure, over and over again, using the toy toilet.
(Sometimes that one doll figure was Han Solo.)


When the boys entered elementary school and I had my own preschool class, I brought my dollhouse to my classroom...and watched lots of the same play again.

Yes, I find dollhouse play to be an extraordinary window into what is on a child's mind.

I don't think I am alone in this thinking. All of the classes at my private, cooperative preschool had dollhouses. My colleagues and I would frequently write down the conversations we overheard in the dollhouse and share them with the child's family. Sometimes we would continue discussions at circle time that had begun in the dollhouse - discussions about sharing or missing Mommy or other social-emotional concerns.

It dawned on me recently that I have yet to see a dollhouse in any of the public (city) preschool classes that I have visited this year.

Why?

What does this mean?

Is this important?

Where is the dollhouse?

What to do about squabbling?

The setting:

I am observing a first year teacher, in a classroom full of three and four year olds.

Children are playing in centers.
There is a post office set up in dramatic play, and there are rules:

- Only three children allowed to play in this center.
- Two children are customers, one is the post office employee.
- Only one costume, the post office employee, with hat, jacket, and mailbag.

Do you predict there will be some squabbling?

First off, more than three children wanted into this dramatic play. The teacher patiently reminded them to look at the center "sign in" and count how many students had already signed in.
Was there room for another person?
No, there was not.


Meanwhile, at the post office -

All three children wanted to carry the mail bag.
All three children wanted to wear the jacket.
All three wanted the hat.
They seemed to know instinctively that the best role was that of the post office employee.
What fun it was to stand behind the counter, selling stamps, envelopes, boxes.
What fun it was to walk around the classroom and deliver mail.

My initial reaction - why aren't there costumes for every child? You can make a very strong case for having multiples of everything - so that all the children in the center can have the choice of dressing up, being in character. Three and four year olds love to dress up! And they are wonderful actors, throwing themselves into dramatic roles. If you don't want to have 3 post office employees, how about special signature costumes for customers - special hats, coats, perhaps a briefcase or purse?

On the other hand, if you - the adult - are ready to provide guidance, you can make a very strong case for having less costumes and helping children with the negotiations. Yes, squabbles over who gets what are life with preschoolers. But, an important part of their learning is about how to get along.
How do you actually learn how to get along if you never have conflict?
How to say "I'm sorry."
How to say "May I have that when you are through?"
Learning to speak up when someone takes something from you without asking.

I watched this new teacher perform beautifully with this situation....

She throws herself into the role of customer, alongside the three children.
She turns to Child #1 behind the counter, who is dressed in the jacket,
"I have a letter to be mailed, I need to buy some stamps."

[And turning to Child #2, potential customer, added,
"I'll let him ring up my stamps, first." ]

Back to Child One, the post office employee,
"May I buy a box from you?"

[And turning back to the customer, Child #2,
"Hmm, who should I send this letter to?"]

Child #3 is wearing both the hat and the mailbag, and is getting ready to leave the center with a fistful of envelopes, for delivery.
I think to myself, Have the children "organically" decided to have more than one post office employee? I love this!

Not for long. Child #1 marches over to Child #3 and grabs the mail bag and quickly puts it on his friend, Child #2, transforming him from customer to employee.

Teacher sees the instantaneous long face of Child #3 and also observes him walk away, dejected.

"Whoa," she says to Child #3, scurrying to his side, putting her arm around him, "Did you want to give him that mail bag?" He shakes his head "No." "Well, let's go tell him. You don't have to give away something you are still playing with. Let's talk to [Child #1], you and me together."

She helps the two children talk together, and, simultaneously, Child #2 (the one who is now wearing the mail bag because his friend gave it to him) is listening to the discussion and gives the mail bag back to its original owner - "You can have this. I don't need it."

Two of the three children are very happy - but Child #1 had another script in mind for his play - he angrily takes the mail bag again and returns it to his friend, Child #2.

Teacher's interjects, arms around all three now sad children - and says pointedly to Child #1, "Now, your friends have talked about this. [Child #3] is using the mail bag. I see you have on the jacket. What if we took the jacket and gave it to someone else without asking? Would that make you feel good or sad?"

"Sad," he whispers. He is safe and comforted by his teacher's arm around him.

She continues, "If you had the mail bag on you shoulder, would you want someone to take it?"

It is as if a lightbulb goes off - Child #1 exclaims, "No, no, I don't want them to take from me!"

And then the teacher reframed the play for the children - pointing out a new opportunity, "So, you might all work in the post office, delivering letters or selling stamps. It works out nicely."

Yes, it really does work out nicely. Such nice modeling and intervention by this teacher, patiently and painstakingly delivered.

These are small but important moments in children's lives. It matters that children are heard - it matters that we take the time to help them use their voices, to be in community with one another - to not simply demand friends to do things your way, to not simply give up and walk away.


Honestly, when you see the growth and understand the possibilities - the evidence of empathy, the movement away from hitting, you may find yourself intentionally setting up centers with only a few things - forcing the sharing. Think of the learning possibilities!


"You can do no great things, only small things with great love."
- Mother Theresa.