SOLSC #15: What if you could take it back?

I am participating in the
March 2018 Slice of Life Story Challenge (SOLSC).
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day, every day for thirty-one days.

A big thank you to Two Writing Teachers for providing this unique opportunity

for teacher-writers to share and reflect.

There is a sad, bluesy song by John Hiatt called "Slip of the Tongue," which I have always been haunted by:

Some words flew out
And made a crash landin'
No love survived
Not a trace could be found

I broke your heart
With the back of my mind
From the tip of my tongue
To the end of the line

When I listen to his heartbreak, I wonder - What exactly did he say? How come he couldn't make amends? What causes us to be thoughtless? 

These 'slips of the tongue' are so ordinary, so human, and so horrid. We're living through one right now. A colleague received a text that was intended for another colleague, and - here's the heartbreak - not only was it written ABOUT the colleague who inadvertently received it, it was offensive and hurtful. 

How will they ever make amends? How will the beautiful and important work of teaching resume?

Ugh.

Teaching is hard work...you team with people that often are not your favorite folks and you have to make it work. I often joke that working on a teaching team is like being in an arranged marriage, one where even your children are chosen for you! It's not like you are sitting at a computer terminal with your back to the other person, hopeful that your one meeting together is over quickly. No, teachers spend their daily life so close together, mired in lots of social-emotional issues, communication problems, family discussions, thought-provoking strategizing, planning, planning, planning...working together as teachers in intense. Truly, intense.

We plan to have a restorative circle about this. We will now put into practice what we try to teach children - how to care for one another, how to be respectful, how to make amends.

Ugh.

Tuesday SOL: What about restorative practices?

This is a Tuesday
Slice of Life.
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day. 

Check out the Two Writing Teachers website for many more reflections on teaching.

This school year, my school is exploring restorative practices. Although we have not had any formal training (the school is working on arranging this), we are taking the leap of faith just the same. We were each given a copy of The Restorative Practices Handbook to read, and a couple of our back-to-school professional development sessions focused on this topic. I am so excited for us! I know there is so much to learn still, but it delights me that we are refusing to be a 'zero tolerance' or 'no excuses' school - we are, instead, focusing on the needs of the individual child, and guiding them to a deeper level of thinking. 

What is Restorative Practice?

The fundamental premise of restorative practices is that people are happier, more cooperative and productive, and more likely to make positive changes when those in authority do things with them, rather than to them or for them.

The International Institute for Restorative Practices and Restorative Works: Learning Network are two fabulous resources for more information on this approach. There are suggestions to ask the child with the challenging behavior:

What happened?

What were you thinking of at the time?

What have you thought about since?

Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?

What do you think you need to do to make things right?

There are suggestions to ask the child(ren) who have been harmed by other's actions:

What did you think when you realized what had happened?

What impact has this incident had on you and others?

What has been the hardest thing for you?

What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

It means so much to have an entire staff consider this practice. Not simply the lead teachers. Not some random or elective course taken by a few teachers. Not some book read by one staff person and suggested for others. Everyone. Administrators. Teachers, both new and experienced. Teaching Assistants. Specials teachers.

Our discussions have been vibrant: what is it? how long will it take? what will it look like? will we say the wrong thing? how will we work in circles? what will a restorative circle look like? how will we communicate this philosophy to our families?  I believe most of us already see how our school's approach to children dovetails beautifully with restorative practice. We believe in teaching "the whole child." We know that in most discipline situations, there is a whole lot of "gray" - who or what instigated this? what else is going on in the child's life? are there extenuating factors? where is the child developmentally? We know that there is not one solution to misbehaviors. 

I think restorative practices are so respectful of children - of everyone. I believe it is rich with relationship-building between teacher and students. I know it is not going to be perfect - human relations are messy. I loved my principal's advice -

"Yes, it may not work quickly AND we don't give up. Humble yourself...most problems are resolved on a kid's timeframe." 

Here goes! A new practice underway! Happy new school year!