Tuesday SOL: What about restorative practices?

This is a Tuesday
Slice of Life.
All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day. 

Check out the Two Writing Teachers website for many more reflections on teaching.

This school year, my school is exploring restorative practices. Although we have not had any formal training (the school is working on arranging this), we are taking the leap of faith just the same. We were each given a copy of The Restorative Practices Handbook to read, and a couple of our back-to-school professional development sessions focused on this topic. I am so excited for us! I know there is so much to learn still, but it delights me that we are refusing to be a 'zero tolerance' or 'no excuses' school - we are, instead, focusing on the needs of the individual child, and guiding them to a deeper level of thinking. 

What is Restorative Practice?

The fundamental premise of restorative practices is that people are happier, more cooperative and productive, and more likely to make positive changes when those in authority do things with them, rather than to them or for them.

The International Institute for Restorative Practices and Restorative Works: Learning Network are two fabulous resources for more information on this approach. There are suggestions to ask the child with the challenging behavior:

What happened?

What were you thinking of at the time?

What have you thought about since?

Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?

What do you think you need to do to make things right?

There are suggestions to ask the child(ren) who have been harmed by other's actions:

What did you think when you realized what had happened?

What impact has this incident had on you and others?

What has been the hardest thing for you?

What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

It means so much to have an entire staff consider this practice. Not simply the lead teachers. Not some random or elective course taken by a few teachers. Not some book read by one staff person and suggested for others. Everyone. Administrators. Teachers, both new and experienced. Teaching Assistants. Specials teachers.

Our discussions have been vibrant: what is it? how long will it take? what will it look like? will we say the wrong thing? how will we work in circles? what will a restorative circle look like? how will we communicate this philosophy to our families?  I believe most of us already see how our school's approach to children dovetails beautifully with restorative practice. We believe in teaching "the whole child." We know that in most discipline situations, there is a whole lot of "gray" - who or what instigated this? what else is going on in the child's life? are there extenuating factors? where is the child developmentally? We know that there is not one solution to misbehaviors. 

I think restorative practices are so respectful of children - of everyone. I believe it is rich with relationship-building between teacher and students. I know it is not going to be perfect - human relations are messy. I loved my principal's advice -

"Yes, it may not work quickly AND we don't give up. Humble yourself...most problems are resolved on a kid's timeframe." 

Here goes! A new practice underway! Happy new school year!

Tuesday SOL: What does compassion look like?

This is a Tuesday Slice of Life for Two Writing Teachers. 

Check out their website for many more reflections on teaching.


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Comfort object, From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: A comfort object, transitional object, or security blanket is an item used to provide psychological comfort, especially in unusual or unique situations, or at bedtime for small children. Among toddlers, comfort objects may take the form of a blanket, a stuffed animal, or a favorite toy, and may be referred to by English-speaking toddlers as blankey and lovey.^[1]

What does compassion look like?

How do you teach children to care about one another?

How many tiny community-building steps pave the way to a loving and caring classroom?

He sobbed at the realization that his lovey was still at home, forgotten for the ride to school. There was no time to return home for it - it was time for his school day to begin and it was time for his parents to head to work. 

How can this be? How would he make it through the school day without his lovey? This is too painful! Oh, how he cried.

Classmates came running to him with replacement loveys, sweet little stuffed animals from our classroom basket...a small animal, an elephant, a large lion puppet. His crying paused, momentarily, with each offer. Yes, his classmates' caring offers were having a positive effect! Ah, but, he resumed crying. Nothing was as good as his own dear lovey, still at home.

Another suggestion - What if we draw a picture of his lovey? Would that help?

To work, to work, to work, 

these preschool artists went to work...

and he, the wounded one, 

quickly became engrossed and soothed by their pictures,

no longer crying, 

able to face the day,

simply enchanted.

As am I.

"I will draw him for you!"

"Here, I have him, too."

"This is a little one and a big one. There are two."

"I drew him and his whole family."

"See his wings? I made them."

"This is kissing ones. A whole family of kissing ones. For you."

Tuesday SOL: What a Wonderful World

This is a Tuesday Slice of Life for Two Writing Teachers. 

Check out their website for many more reflections on teaching.


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Something I love about our school, which ranges from preschoolers (Pre K-3) to middle school, is our pairing of each of the younger classrooms with an older classroom. This school year, the Big Cats preschoolers will get together with first graders (the "Double-Headed Rattlesnakes") for partner reading each Friday. These structured pairings allow for the most beautiful and unexpected interactions, providing opportunity for role modeling by older students, with younger students basking in the singular attention of an older student. For our older students, I think there is even a "letting down of the guard" - a chance to be a little more relaxed and confident about their reading skills, as they casually and comfortably read to their younger partner. Sometimes, the pairings result in new friendships, with children happily reconnecting if we see one another in the hallway or elsewhere in the school.


Last year, after our partnering was well underway, one of my preschoolers ('Mary') began to refuse to sit with her partner, and even said to me,
"I don't want to go to the first grade class."

"Why, Mary? Tell me what is wrong. Why are you sad about reading with your partner?"

"Because she always reads to me!"

"She always reads to you?" I echoed, somewhat confused. This is my classic technique, when I fail to grasp something, I simply restate the words that were said...buying myself a little time, hoping they'll say something more that will clarify. I really did not understand.

"Yes. She never lets me read to her."

It's true, every now and again, I do have preschoolers who can read…but this little friend was not one of these. However, she loved our picture books, devoured them daily, imagined stories to go with the pictures, and saw herself as a reader. Imagine how easy it would have been to retort to this three year old - "But, Mary, you do not know how to read." I did not. I was thrilled by her confidence! My preschoolers see themselves as readers! I simply said,

"Oh! You want to read to her, too!?"

I turned to her first grader partner - "Would it be okay if Mary read to you, today?"
and she said, "Oh, sure! That would be fun!"
and off they went happily, to read together.


This past Friday, the Double-Headed Rattlesnakes came down to meet us for the first time this new school year. We introduced the pairings of students. Several first graders have younger siblings in my class, and we purposefully pair these siblings to read together - an extra special connection, in the middle of the school week, to have a little sibling time.

We will read together for thirty minutes each week, but this first Friday was simply to meet one another, to share your name, to talk with one another about your favorite stories. Several three year olds got up to grab books from our bookshelves, sharing some of their favorite books with their new first grade friends. After a little conversation time, getting to know one another, both classes settled in together on our meeting carpet to hear a read-aloud together.



Another special part about this past Friday was its date - September 11th. How to recognize the significance of this day with preschoolers? For me, since 2001, it has been the tradition of reading a special book - What a Wonderful World (illustrated by Ashley Bryan, written by George David Weiss and Bob Thiele) followed by playing the song by Louis Armstrong. This book is a beautiful story song, celebrating children, diversity, love. This year, since my September 11th book reading dovetailed with meeting our first grade reading partners, I read the book to the entire combined group.

This was an incredibly special read-aloud for me. Just three short years ago, many of these first graders were my preschoolers. There I was, reading the words aloud and looking over my audience, seeing these now much bigger first graders with the same faces they had in preschool, sitting snugly and amiably with their new three year old reading partner, happily engaged in the familiar book. Many of the first graders read along with me, recognizing and remembering the words. Everyone was so quiet and focused when we played Louis Armstrong, and I enjoyed their enraptured faces listening to his throaty words. One student noted, "My daddy sings this song to me."

Then, it was time to go. "First graders, it is time to line up. Say goodbye to your Big Cat friend, ask them if they'd like a high five or a hug from you before you leave."

For the siblings, this was hard. Some tears were shed, saying goodbye to the older loved one. One first grader plied his sister with many kisses on her cheeks. But for most of the pairings, they were saying goodbye to someone entirely unfamiliar, not known. I noticed a couple of my preschoolers shook their heads at this offer of a high five or a hug - not yet willing to be friendly with this new big student. This was worthy of a follow up discussion...

When the first graders left, we talked about how hard it can be to meet new people. "Did anyone have a funny feeling in their tummy?" I shared how some say it feels as if you have 'butterflies' in your tummy. A couple of children nodded. I coached, "There is a fluttering, a pulling. It helps me to take deep cleansing breaths. We'll get to know these first graders over time. We will see them each Friday. We will become friends, in time."

It is early in the year. We have just met.

I see friends shaking hands
saying "how do you do?"
they're really saying 
"I love you."

SOLSC 2015 #30: Have you filled a bucket?

Each day during March, I am participating in the Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life Story Challenge (SOLSC). All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day, every day for thirty-one days. My slices will be primarily about teaching preschoolers. Check out the Two Writing Teachers  website for lots more reflections on teaching. Thanks especially to Stacey, Tara, Anna, Beth, Dana, and Betsy for hosting this writing challenge. 

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I am thinking about how hard it is to speak in positives,

to note what is going well,

to emphasize what is right and good.

In light of last week's oh so difficult day, we've been on a "gentle and loving" binge in my classroom…I am enthusiastically noting every behavior that I want repeated...

To help us in this renewed quest - to help us get back on the right track - we read the awesome book Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud.

We had a large glass jar at the ready at the front of our classroom and all morning we added dominoes to this jar, to show the love and caring that was happening. There were so many great deeds! Children inviting others to play, sharing toys, using kind voices, being gentle with their hands, helping to clean up…on and on…yes, the jar was overflowing.

However, sometimes I felt as if it was only me that could see the kindness. All morning, children would come up to me and say "So and so is emptying my bucket…he/she just did blah blah blah"

To which I would say -

"What loving and kind things do you want him/her to do?"

And children would stammer,

"But she, but she, but she...ah, ah, ah…"

They couldn't get themselves out of the negative trap.

How negative are the voices in their lives normally? How negatively do I speak to them normally? It was a real challenge today to turn that around…it is so easy and so instinctive for us to note what is wrong!

Just for today, just for today, just for today…and start again every tomorrow...

Accentuate the Positive

You've got to accentuate the positive

eliminate the negative, 

latch on to the affirmative,  

but don't mess with mister in-between

SOLSC 2015 #27: Is it barometric pressure?

Each day during March, I am participating in the Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life Story Challenge (SOLSC). All participants are writing about one moment, one part of their day, every day for thirty-one days. My slices will be primarily about teaching preschoolers. Check out the Two Writing Teachers  website for lots more reflections on teaching. Thanks especially to Stacey, Tara, Anna, Beth, Dana, and Betsy for hosting this writing challenge. 

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I am really not sure what happened. 

I blame fluctuations in the barometric pressure, as our outdoor recess was drowned out unexpectedly by pouring rain while the outside temperature rose to nearly 70, after many chilly days of winter coats. 

I am really not sure what happened.

No one got along.

We had a long, tortuous morning together,

Centers full of acrimony, an indoor recess with the large blue foam blocks that hurt my ears and made my heart sad...and we returned to our classroom for read-aloud.

"Before I begin reading, I want to see a show of hands for those who had something sad or unkind happen to them today...let's share what happened, one at a time."

And I recorded their list - and added a few of my own, asking certain children to speak up and share their sad story. 

Oh, it was ugly!

He knocked my tower down!

She said I couldn't play with her!

He drew on my clothes! 

She took my necklaces from me!

He said mean things!

She grabbed the blocks I was cleaning up!

He said I don't know how to draw!

She wouldn't give me any Magna Tiles!

He took the dice!

She said I was not her friend anymore!

He screamed in my face!

She hit me!

When it seemed as if we were beginning to hear the same sad stories over and over, I called a halt to the list and said - 

"I think we are all having many of the same sad problems, today. I am very sad, because none of these things - these behaviors - are in the Big Cats' tradition. Here, in the Big Cats, we are kind and gentle with one another. 

Let's look again at each of these things and see if we can find a kinder thing to do in its place, something we wish we had happened..."

One by one, we realized we should -

• ask if we can knock something over.
• say kind things.
• draw with markers on paper.
• gentle with other people's things.
• be kind and gentle with one another
• say "May I have that when you are done?"
• be kind and gentle with one another
• share toys with one another
• be kind and gentle with our voices
• be kind and gentle with our bodies 
• be kind and gentle with one another.

Really, that is the only rule we need to remember -

We are kind and gentle with one another.

It took a long time to have this heartfelt, emotional discussion. Much to the children's surprise I said that we had run out of time for a read-aloud before lunch...instead, we'd go right to lunch and make this a special "do over" time by talking at our tables about -

what kind and gentle things happened today?

what kind and gentle things would we do tomorrow?

In this way, we began to turn our day around. 

Tuesday SOL Let's play with blocks

This is a Tuesday "Slice of Life" for Two Writing Teachers. Check out their website for lots more reflections on teaching.

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The block building begins quietly, with Mateo and Julian suggesting a wall around the edge of the table, "for the animals." Lately, block-building means animal homes, as well. The children are loving all the small, realistic toy animals we have.

Often they build by themselves, but today I have chosen to build alongside, to see what I can learn about these sweet children and what I can provoke.

I am in the midst of the play,

• soaking in their happiness, energy, focus, and pursuit;
• listening to what interests them, and storing these for future read-alouds and other lesson ideas, what excites them?
• considering ways they might engage with a classmate rather than simply play alongside, fostering team work;
• cultivating friendship skills, ready to offer guidance should conflicts arise, helping them to be together, to be aware of one another and not hurtful; 
• repeating their ideas aloud, often paraphrasing with bigger vocabulary, trying to broaden and deepen their language skills;
• posing questions for more details, building conversational skills, sometimes suggesting ways to build or extend on another's ideas, letting them see what tremendous resources they are to one another;
• fostering their mathematical thinking - they do it instinctively, but I coach the terminology, such as above? behind? near? alongside? between? under? through? next to? and, similarly, there is lots of counting (how many blocks do we need to complete the wall?).

"The blocks go here, all the long way," suggests Mateo.

Me - "Another word for the edge of the table, is perimeter - we are building around the perimeter."

Malcolm, Simona, and Kaelyn join us. Katherine and Ella aren't far behind, and many small hands are at work. It seems as if no sooner than someone builds something, another knocks it down, usually with the expressed delight of the builder. When mistakes are made, the children work together to recreate the original design - or tweak it to be something all new.

"This fits here."

"This is a door."

"A wall will not fall down."

"I am making a house for the zebras."

"We need a house for the dinosaurs. And the sharks."

"Sharks need water."

Block building is fast, impulsive, ever-changing. Things exist for only a moment or two, intentions change, blocks morph from one idea to the next.

Making a wall around the table leads to finding groups of animals…several are searching for all the sea animals, others want the tigers, still others want a zebra area. Julian, Nicky, and Micah create Magna Tile airplanes and "hand-gliders" at a neighboring table, and they jump over to see if these can fly around the blocks. 

A big door is made in the wall, "opening for airplanes."  The next thing we know, many blocks have been hit by airplanes, tumbling to the floor.

"These are the forests," says Julian, standing many tall cylindrical blocks together. Almost immediately one falls over, toppling the others like dominoes, and this becomes the new goal - to build and see them fall over. "The forests are breaking!", he squeals with delight, needing to fix them again.

Wesley pops in, followed by Naima, James, and Dmitry. They set about building underneath the table (where many blocks had tumbled). This opens up new possibilities - purposefully getting things stuck in table legs and then trying to get them out. One thing leads to another.

"We need to make an animal hospital for hurt animals," suggests Wesley.

The children build together and by themselves, self-selecting their fun, building both on and under the table, and at a second table nearby. Some stay for many minutes, creating and re-creating, while others land only momentarily, wandering in and out of the area, doing things elsewhere in the room and returning to the block corner for additional fun. They are filled with curiosity and investigation, trial and error -

• which blocks fit inside the arches?
• which tall ones stand, making the best trees?
• how to make a floor?
• how tall can we make it?
• what happens when you drive one block through the others?
• how to make a continuous wall?
• how to make it longer?
• which is biggest?
• how to make a seat or a bed?
• will these balance on top?
• what fits under?
• why is this stuck here? 
• how to get it out?

My note-taking cannot keep up with the story lines…so many snippets …

walls for our house, 
making homes for animals, 
the dinosaur is attacking, 
wind blowing through trees, 
hand glider flying on top of the buildings, 
making axes to chop things down, 
animals getting hurt, 
veterinarians taking care of animals in the hospital, 
a house for me over here, 
this is a city, 
people live here and animals live outside, 
train going through the station, 
this is the airport, 
these are big doors.

It seems as if everyone in the class stops by at one point or another, to check in, to play for a bit. Later, I'll consider who didn't visit and why that might be; but, in the midst of the play, there's no time for such reflection. The play is fast-paced, animated, and involved. I smile as their small bodies move in and around and over me, faster, faster, knock down, rebuild, re-think, new idea, try again, consider this, build, build, build...

They are playing,
they are working,
I am working,
I am playing.

I love the block corner.

Tuesday SOL We have mixed emotions

This is a Tuesday "Slice of Life" for Two Writing Teachers. Check out their website for lots more reflections on teaching.

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I am exploring emotions with the children, developing our "emotions continuum." For this, I highlight the different expressions from characters in our read-alouds and have the children consider what that character is feeling. I photocopy each of these pages and add the named emotion as a label. Each of these pages is posted in our comfort corner (so that emotions are in full view, as children work through their various tough moments). I am trying to cultivate their emotional intelligence, to help children "read" their classmates' faces, to see that we often feel differently about things. Slowly but surely, we are learning how to deal with our many emotions - what is appropriate in the classroom, what might not be.  Truly, it feels right now that there is no end to this curriculum topic…that I could spend the year on it! Here are some of the emotions we have identified to date:

"WONDERFUL" -
from the book What A Wonderful World by George David Weiss and Bob Thiele,
illustrated by Ashley Bryan

"HAPPY"

"SCARED"
from the book Owl Babies by Martin Waddell

"SLEEPY"

"SAD"
from the book Dogger by Shirley Hughes

I know the children are working hard to understand these emotions (and feel quite proud to be naming them), because they are talking about emotions pretty much all the time. Our morning hello has become significantly longer, as each shares aloud what they are feeling! It feels to me that they are "ripe" for this learning, that it engages them and supports them, allowing them to see things in a new way.

The children loved the book Those Darn Squirrels by Adam Rubin, and I decided that the main character Mr. Fookwire should be part of our emotions continuum. I showed them the picture:

and we debated what he was feeling. One student said "angry," and I said that we already had the word "ANGRY," from the book Anh's Anger - a picture of Anh's face when his block tower crumbles. (This particular book is a lesson in how to work with one's anger, and we have been practicing breathing deeply to this strong emotion.)

However, I continued with the children,
our picture of Mr. Fookwire was something more than anger, 
perhaps "annoyed" or "furious."
The children seemed unfamiliar with the word "furious," though they made me chuckle with their understanding of "annoyed" - "My dad gets annoyed when he is driving," said one boy. So, we teachers acted out the two words, trying to dramatize the distinction and then the children had quite a debate - was Mr. Fookwire furious or annoyed? We decided to 'vote with our bodies' - have children move to one corner with Mr. Rude (our paraprofessional), if they thought the photo showed "Annoyed," and towards Ms. Kim (our Teaching Resident), in another corner, if they thought it was a better image of "Furious." In the end, we had 14 votes for "Furious" and a mere 8 for "Annoyed," so "Furious" became the picture's label.

The next day, in our physical education special - led by other teachers - the children were in whole group doing some floor exercises, when one little girl hit the little boy next to her - and, by luck, I happened to see it.

He cried out, more in indignation than pain, and I swooped over to see what was going on.

(I frequently wonder how much I miss. Certainly, I can't be expected to see or know what is going on during specials. This makes me wonder, how are other teachers responding to these challenging behaviors? Are we approaching these the same way? Does it matter?)

To her, I said - "Wow, I just saw you hit [Jack]; what is the matter? What happened that made you hit him?" [I tried to speak calmly, objectively, respectfully.]
She replied, "I am feeling furious!"
Uh, oh. There's our new vocabulary out for a drive.
I continued, as gently as I could muster, while embracing the little boy and rubbing his shoulder, and saying to the girl who hit, "Oh my! You look furious. Did [Jack] make you feel furious in some way?"
"Oh, no. I just feel it."
"Oh, well, hmmm, when we feel furious, we need to work out this strong feeling without hurting classmates. We are all safe, in the Big Cats. This is a good time to go to the comfort corner, and breathe - like Anh did, with his anger. You might have to breathe a lot, since you are furious, and not just angry."
"Oh, okay. I'm not furious anymore."
"Oh, that's good. Would you check on [Jack's] body, please? Ask him if he is okay?"

Then, to Jack, I encouraged, "Tell [Annie] that your body is 'not for hurting.' Tell her in your strong voice."

Yes, they keep me on my toes, keep me guessing, keep me wondering.

Is it expecting too much, for preschoolers to explore these emotional words?
Should they be a little older, a little more experienced?
Or is the future brighter, since they are striving to understand these words now?

How much we have to learn!

What about friendship?

The other day, I stepped out of a store only to find several friends of mine having breakfast together at a restaurant's sidewalk table. For one split second, I was immobile - realizing I wasn't included, feeling left out, unsure what to say. Their eyes met mine and we all broke into big smiles, and we shared what we had been up to; they insisted I sit down and join them, and I explained where I needed to be next, said goodbye, and headed on my way.

I look forward to getting together with them soon.

Here I am, beyond mid-life, still sensitive about friendship. Have I been a good friend? Reached out regularly? Been attentive? Been a good listener? Have I been available? 

My preschoolers feel this "tension" about friendship on a daily, constant basis.
These three year olds - some newly three, some closer to four years of age - don't have years of experience to fall back on, as they play with one another.
In fact, for three year olds, this is often their very first experience of playing 'together' - truly, playing together - not simply alongside, as one did as a two year old.
They have a lot of learning to do about friendship.
What does it mean, 
you are building a block road when I want to use the same blocks to build a house? 
What does it mean, 
we are having a tea party and you leave me to play superhero with someone else?
What does it mean, 
when you need more clay and I am using it?
What does it mean, 
when I want to create the puzzle by myself but you keep placing pieces in it?
What does it mean, 
when I bring a special toy from home and you try to take it and play with it?

The children and I,
we are doing lots of talking together.

I am using our whole group discussions to consider -

what can we do when we are frustrated?
how can we be angry and safe at the same time?
how might we share toys?
how might we include another friend in the play?
what can we do to make a sad friend feel better?
what do we say if we want to play? 
how do we join in?
what might you say if… ?

I use read-alouds to share about emotions, friendships, social skills…hoping to build the children's  understanding of what it is to be in community with others.  I use puppets and role-play, too, to reinforce the "how" of getting along with others.

I am the 'guide on the side' during their play,
ever alert to the most difficult moments,
nudging children towards each other, towards various play possibilities,
helping them find words with one another,
challenging them to think about their interactions, especially the effect on others.

Even when I am vigilant,
we've had
crying,
hitting,
pulling,
grabbing,
breaking,
throwing,
pushing,
hurtful, challenging behaviors.


Yes, we are in the thick of this learning right now, and it will go on all year - some moments quite happy, others quite sad.

I am answering families' questions,
quelling their fears,
trying my best to communicate that
these challenging behaviors are a sign that
the children are discovering the most important work of the preschool classroom.

This is our laboratory.

A friendship laboratory.

It is filled with promise.

It is so important to build relationships with others and to keep working at these, regularly. A friendship isn't a static thing - once achieved, you aren't 'done'…in fact, your efforts are just beginning. It is a dynamic process, with a great deal of give and take.

You reach out, a friend reaches out to you,
you make mistakes, you make amends,
you crave to be together, you spend time with others or alone,
you laugh, you listen, you care.

It is the work of threes.
It is the work of adults.