I am having the most difficult time with today's blogpost.
Trying to think about my preschoolers,
but, truly,
I am preoccupied with thinking about my own Mom.
Today's her birthday, and I am sad.
My Mom is 84 years old today, and she doesn't even know it.
It is irrelevant to her.
She doesn't even know me.
She has dementia.
I feel so raw.
Before leaving for school, tears rolled down my face.
Kept telling myself,
"You need to leave this at the threshhold of the school, dear."
"Be present with the children."
"Look for joy today."
(Yes, I mother myself now.)
I walk from the metro to school. Snow flurries in mid-March, here, in Washington, D.C.?
I am smiling.
Jamie runs in; he had a birthday over the weekend - he is four! "I am bigger and stronger!," he says.
I am smiling.
Morning Gathering. The children insist on a loud, raucous, "megaphone" good morning to Ms. McCarthy, who is home sick today with a fever; "We didn't say hello to her!!"
I am smiling.
Ms. Balboni (art teacher) takes children into the hallway and has them pose as superheroes, for an "alter ego" project - I see, from the doorway, their silly attempts to fly, climb, swim, jump as statues.
I am smiling.
Hero project work. Ebony's hero doesn't stand still - she dances the figure as she works with it, adding still more bling and beads and joy to it today.
I am smiling.
Ferdie and Dillon work hard to string beads onto wire, not giving up.
I am smiling.
Sarah Lydia and Bella create beds from pillows on the floor, while their doctors - Ben, Harper, and Zoe - take care of them.
I am smiling.
Both Harper and Charlie fall asleep at naptime for the first time in weeks.
I am smiling.
Small treasures.
I call Mom as soon as I get home, to wish her "Happy Birthday."
She says, happily,
"It's very nice of you to think of it. Some other folks called and said it, too. I had no idea! Thank you so much!"
She is smiling.
I am smiling,
though my eyes glisten.
Happy Birthday, Mom!
I am smiling.
Ferdie and Dillon work hard to string beads onto wire, not giving up.
I am smiling.
Sarah Lydia and Bella create beds from pillows on the floor, while their doctors - Ben, Harper, and Zoe - take care of them.
I am smiling.
Both Harper and Charlie fall asleep at naptime for the first time in weeks.
I am smiling.
Small treasures.
I call Mom as soon as I get home, to wish her "Happy Birthday."
She says, happily,
"It's very nice of you to think of it. Some other folks called and said it, too. I had no idea! Thank you so much!"
She is smiling.
I am smiling,
though my eyes glisten.
Happy Birthday, Mom!
 |
| My mother (on the right) with her mother (my grandmother), in the early 1980s. |
This is so hard to live with aging parents. The ones who were always bigger, stronger and wiser than we were now aren't. I am sad with you but always felt your smiles at the many small treasures that came your way! Blessinga and a prayer to you and your Mom.
ReplyDeleteI too felt all your smiles throughout those moments. What a sweet picture, full of memories I am sure.
ReplyDeleteI am inspired by your ability to look at what is before you and smile and appreciate the energy of the children. It is not easy.
ReplyDeleteI love how you finished with:
She is smiling.
I am smiling.
I love the line - Small Treasures. Your emotions come through so beautifully - I felt like I was there. Beautiful poem!
ReplyDeleteI am on this journey too. My own mother turned 84 last week and we have been living Alzheimer's for 6 years now. I am glad that you have work that gives you smiles.
ReplyDeleteJuliann
I think you have the right attitude, Maureen, but still so sad to hear. My mother is gone now, & I miss her every day, as you miss your mother, only she's still here. I'm glad you found the smiles from the little ones-it counts for a lot.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to your mom!
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful to see you and your mom joyful. I think this is what we live for. Both my parents have passed on, and I am often sad for myself and for my daughter, that she will never know them. But I take such comfort in moments of happiness and joy, both past and present. So glad you were able to find joy with the little ones, and that your mom has such a wonderful daughter and still has joy in her life.