Tuesday SOL - How to handle this?

Jack brings a special toy to school, against his mother's wishes.
He is picked up early and can't find his toy at the end of the day.
His mother is upset,
"This is why we don't bring special toys from home."
They search and search the classroom.
To no avail.
It is curious to me.
Yes, the room is large,
and the toy is small.
However, hmmm,
this toy should be here.

His mother adds,
"Well, you've learned your lesson now. You won't bring toys from home anymore."
I let this comment slide.
But I disagree.
It is a rare three year old that learns the lesson of not bringing toys from home.
That is an adult notion, to leave special things at home.
Threes need their special things with them.

The child goes home.
I sit for a minute, still thinking,
How odd.

Yes, the room is large,

and the toy is small.

However, hmmm,

this toy should be here.

I think of three children who love this toy and I go through their cubbies.  

Shame on me, I was suspicious.

Bingo!

Carefully sequestered inside a lunchbox is the special toy.

I go right over to the lunchbox owner.

"Look at this," I say, as calmly as I can muster, and I show him the contents.

"Oh, yes.  I am going to play trains now."

"You get to play trains after you talk to me. Why is this toy in here?"

"I put it in there.  It is Jack's."

"I appreciate your honesty; you are right, this is Jack's.  Did you hear Jack and his mother looking for this?  Did you see how sad Jack was when he couldn't find it?"

"Yes." 

"I just don't understand, sweetie.  This isn't yours.  You don't have the right to take home toys of other people without asking them, first."

"Okay."

"Let's go over to the writing table and write Jack an 'I'm sorry' card, let's tell him that you are sorry you took his toy without asking."

"Okay."

He draws a picture and I write the words and we put the letter in Jack's cubby.  Later, I rethink the situation and decide to tear the apology up.  I am uncomfortable with Jack's mother thinking poorly of  this child, thinking "this is a child who steals."  

I wonder if most three year olds are children who steal?
I wonder if it isn't perfectly natural to imagine a new special something as yours?
To take it?

I will simply tell Jack's family that I "found" the toy and give it back tomorrow.  I won't mention how it was found.

This is the stuff that keeps me awake at night!
How do you teach the lessons about
respecting one another, respecting one another's property
with the right amount of seriousness, yet the right enough understanding for their developmental age?

Developmentally, this "taker" is right on with his succinct and open "I put it in there. It is Jack's."
It makes perfect sense to a three year old - I want it, I take it.


This little friend, who is hiding things in his lunchbox, is learning
it is not all about him. 
If he was learning his ABC's, I'd give him a little more time and space,
I'd let him slip up and forget,  I'd help him "do over."

Why should social-emotional learning be any different?